Friday, August 28, 2015

Angry Prayer

I've thought about prayer these last 2 months of heart ache and trial. I stopped reading my scriptures for a month and instead prayed  like Adam and  Eve did when they found themselves in the lone and dreary world.  Those of you who have been to the temple will know what I mean.  Then I got back into reading the scriptures and my prayers have fluctuated from good to bad to nothing. 

Prayer is a faith issue.  It says you believe and I suppose trust a higher power.  But what if you don't trust?  Honestly I'm a little afraid to trust my Heavenly Father right now.   

In fact I've prayed angry lately.  I've said words in my prayer as I'm kneeling by my bed at night like: 

"I don't want to be praying." "I'm tired of asking for the same thing over and over again that I never get." "I'm tired of asking for the same thing I've been asking for since I was 17" "I'm tired of asking for things that allude me that fall into everyone else's lap with out much effort." "I'm angry.""I'm tired of this!" "I have righteous desires and I feel like your not being kind, merciful and just to me." "Throw me a bone, give me a blessing, anything!!!" 

These are angry words and you know what? I always feel better after I say a prayer like that. 

How is that possible?  Arent' you suppose to be using words such as THEE, THINE and THOU and speaking respectfully to Deity? Sure you are.  But God values honesty.  Remember that line from Huckleberry Fin- "You can't pray a lie".Well it's true and there should be some scripture that says something like that. It's not just about getting rid of the trite phrases or the "canned" prayers. 

Prayer is about honesty and faith and trust and what's in your heart. Prayer is an act of faith and even praying angry verses respectfully is showing some faith.  It may be even more faithful to pray mad. First off, your praying! So you believe something is out there and listening to you and it's always better than not praying.  Second it says you know God's qualities and attributes.  See God get Angry too.  He has wrath. He might not handle it the way we do, but he still feels it.  Thirdly is says that you trust him 'enough' to be honest.  You know he appreciates honesty and you know that any prayer is better than no prayer.  Angry prayer is a start, it can move you in a more positive directions to pouring out your soul and importuning him for blessings sought after.  

I'm  not big on prayers that are poems, or saying the same prayer over and over again.  There are a few exceptions to that rule. ie, the sacramental prayer, prayers in the temple, etc, but as a rule prayer should be something from the heart.  If your heart if angry, then pray an angry prayer.  Trust me, it will turn into a respectful prayer within minutes. 

Heavenly Father wants your whole heart and you can give it to him in any shape of condition it is in and he will heal it.  So, if your not praying cause your ticked off or don't fully trust him, pray anyway. Pray with your heart in what ever condition it is in.   

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